I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize