Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
