THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize