sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I need a burrito and a hug.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
