This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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