youre lurking in front of me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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