Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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