Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
