At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
