i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
