I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
