you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
