gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
