So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
