i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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