Bisexual people are plain selfish.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
