I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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