We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
