3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
