you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I love having hate sex.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
