Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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