there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize