Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
