I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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