Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
