it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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