im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
