Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
