Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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