I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
