Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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