I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
