I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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