Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
