I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
