oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i think i just lost a toe
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
