I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
