I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
