You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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