i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
