I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
