how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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