There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize