sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
