I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
