Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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