She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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