So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
