i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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