i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
