If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
