just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
