i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
