i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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