Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
