can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
