You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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