I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
