You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
