You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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