I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize