I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize