I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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