his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
