Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
