he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
