Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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