Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
