When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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