we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
