I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
