Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
