The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
im holly from the hills drunk
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
