I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
