she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
