This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
