I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
