why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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