Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
