Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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