I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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