i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize