He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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