everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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