there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Randomize
