I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
