After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
