I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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