We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize