We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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