You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
