About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
