We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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