As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Are we still banned from the library?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
