you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize