everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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