A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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